Plant your seed of love and watch it blossom
Love can be many things. It can be intricate, complex, and let's face it, hard. While love is wonderful, it is not without its ups and downs. Do you find yourself struggling to fulfill the full potential of your relationship/ friendship? Maybe your loved one has communicated that they don't feel loved or appreciated, which you don't understand because you feel you're showing it well? Please don't give up yet; it is not too late. There is a possibility that you are not expressing your love in the way your partner longs! To fully fulfill your relationship's true potential, you must educate yourself on the five different love languages: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.
Words of affirmation:
To hear sweet words elegantly leaving the tip of your lover's tongue, dancing around your body, entering your ears and swirling around your heart. Filling you with love and bliss. That is the appeal of words of affirmation. Those who have a preference for words of affirmation prefer to receive their love through communication. Whether verbally spoken or written, they want to hear that you love them, support them and understand them. Need to spice up your love life with a words-of-affirmation lover? Write a love letter, leave a small note on their car or in their bag, text them a nice message highlighting all of the things that you love about them, tell them how proud you are of them, and ask about their day and show interest in it. Say phrases like "I am very appreciative of you for -----," "How was your day love, tell me all about it," "I am fortunate to have you in my life," "I am so proud of you for ----," or compliment continuously like “your eyes are so pretty," and "you make me feel like the world will be okay." Emphasis on the last one. While these small efforts seem to be insignificant to some, it means the world to others. Of course, who wouldn't love to hear how much they are adored by the person they love and admire most in the world?
On a dark and cloudy day, the flower misses the sun. The dark brings rain to the flower, something the flower didn't realize it needed, and the day doesn't feel so lonely after all. That is what gift giving feels like. While most assume that those with a gift preference are "greedy and materialistic,” it is not that way at all. Lovers who prefer gift-giving feel most appreciated when they feel thought of during monotonous activities, vacations away from each other, or during special events. These gifts can range from small to big. Gifts don't have to mean monetary exactly. Passing by super pretty flowers while driving? You better whip that car around and pick a few for your lover. On a hiking trip and see a super dope rock? Bring it back for your sweetheart. Those with a love language preference of receiving gifts also prefer homemade things. Make a card, draw a picture, or build a kingdom of their own on Minecraft. It's the little things. Be your flower’s cloud and give the rain they long for and so desperately desire.
The day is loud. I take a deep breath, look at the clock and realize it's already 20 minutes past the deadline for my essay. I look at my phone to see a stream of work messages about covering a shift. I look at my laundry basket and see a tsunami of clothes flooding my floor. I look at you, and I can finally exhale. No matter how loud the world is, being with you makes it easy. That is quality time. Easy to guess by the name, those with a love language of quality time prefer spending time with their lovers over anything else. This doesn't mean extravagant dates; it can be doing the dishes together on a Sunday afternoon. As long as you're together, the world is still. A few ways to show love to your partner with this love language is to plan a stay-home movie night. You can move the mattress into the living room, make it super cozy with dim lights, and watch a movie with your favorite snacks on deck. Show your love by planning an awesome date like grabbing their favorite food for a picnic in a lovely scenic area. The most crucial factor to this love language is wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, they should feel like they have your undivided attention. So, put your phone down and focus on them 100%. Be the reason they can exhale.
Acts of service:
In the middle of the sea, drowning. Gasping for air, and all of a sudden, a delicate wave takes your body and brings it to shore. The sand brings warmth to your overwhelmed, cold, body and you can finally breathe. Knowing the weight that once held you down is gone, you are free to swim and enjoy the beach once again. That is what acts of service feels like. Loving someone with an acts of service love language seems complicated, but it's not. Those with this love language feel most loved when their partner gives their time and effort. If your person is having a stressful day and you see dishes in the sink waiting for them, do the dishes and alleviate their stress load. You see it's raining after walking out of the store? Get the car and pull it up to the front, so they don't get wet. Does your partner detest doing laundry, but you see their hamper piling up? Throw in a load for them. Do simple things. Open their car door and make soup when they are sick. While these little acts might be tedious to you, it's one sure way to make your partner feel appreciated and loved. Most importantly, don’t bring these things up to them. Do these things out of love, not for gratitude. Don’t let your partner be swept under the heavy waves that drown them. Be their saving wave that brings them ashore.
Anxiety fills my body. My heart and mind flutter like the wings of a butterfly trying to escape the dog that's entrapped in the enclosed porch with them. The pounding of my leg hitting the chair is like an earthquake. Then, my shaking hand meets yours, and suddenly, the porch door is open. I can finally fly. Your hand on mine brings serenity to my mind and I wish I could feel this peace forever. That is what physical touch feels like. Those with a love language of physical touch feel most connected to and loved by their partner through touch. The love language physical touch doesn't always have to be sexual. There are two different types of physical affection you can show your lover: intimate and non-intimate. Intimate touching can look like holding their hand while they're nervous or just walking, hugging them, kissing, and cuddling (the best). Whereas non-intimate touching can look like putting your arm around them at a social event, sitting next to them at a restaurant instead of across from them, rubbing their back, and much more. Get in an argument? Hold their hand and apologize, have make-up sex, or give them cuddles. Whatever you do, do not give them physical space unless they ask, of course. Be their peace and give them the ability to fly.
The first step to strengthening or mending your relationship is to communicate your needs. Ask your partner, "what can I do to make you feel more loved?," "What do you think is missing from our relationship?" and "what have I not been doing that you want more of?". By doing this, your partner will communicate through their love language, and you can adhere to it. In simpler words: 1. Identify their love language 2. Ask them what they need most and 3. Act on it. While love is complex and sometimes hard, it is so worth it. I wish you luck on your new journey of enhanced and whimsical love. In conclusion, speak sweet words that dance around the heart, be the cloud that gives the rain they need, let them finally exhale, Be the wave that carries them to shore, and be the peace so they can finally fly free.
Want to find out your love language? Take a test!